Log in

29 October 2012 @ 12:13 am
fanfiction: but just know that i'll stay, 'cause you're my life through the haze. (glee)  
people: santana/brittany, artie, quinn, rachel, quinn/rachel (if you squint)
rating: T (language)
summary: "she's already so fucking whipped that quinn would be laughing her ass off if she listened to this conversation."
spoilers: nothing really explicit, but like mid-third season
word count: 1,444
author's note: My first published delve into fandom since like two years ago, but since mini_nanowrimo is already around the corner i've decided to do some exercises before to not be caught too off guard. as it is, i've tried. this is my try to get my hand at santana and brittany because i can't really seem to get them and this is as close as i've gotten, so i hope it's at least borderline good.

  It’s a really childish thing to do, and ridiculous, but Santana can’t stop herself from doing it. She can’t stop herself from touching Brittany, from wrapping her hands through her girlfriend’s waist, kissing her cheek, resting a hand on her arm or just doing something to reinforce the fact that she is Brittany's official girlfriend if she sees someone looking at them for more then what she considers to be a normal amount of time. Of course she wants to touch her all the time, everywhere, just because, but the thrill is just that much better if she gets to do that with people knowing, especially if this person is someone Brittany has dated, like Artie. Then the feeling of being the luckyest girl ever for winning over the most precious girl in the world, the one that follows side by side with her love for Brittany is at its most intense. She knows it's revenge: she’d been so furious whenever he would be anywhere near Brittany, touching her, and she really wanted to cut off his fingers, one by one, whenever he reached his gloved hand to touch her Brittany, and it hurt so bad that she wants him t hurt too, but it doesn't matter what it is. It matters that it is good. Also, it matters that her edges may have softened with Brittany’s constant smoothing presence, but this part of her has never – and probably will never –  subside because causing pain, especially to people that have done the same to her or to Brittany is pretty satisfying. So, when she sees him eyeing them from his locker down the hall, she wraps her arms around her Brittany’s waist and lays her head on her shoulder, taking a deep breath because she always smells so damn good and hiding her satisfied smile. Right then she feels like she just won something very important – and she’s sure she has. She has the girl and she has her revenge. Things are pretty much perfect.

  For the next couple of days, she keeps on with her little revenge. Obviously, it isn't as fun anymore and now she's just content to be around Brittany without having to prove anything to anyone, but she keeps on getting a rise out of Artie and glaring at all of the football players that look at them the wrong way and works harder than ever at keeping Brittany happy and feeling loved because it's fun. It's good. And it makes a statement, so much so that it doesn’t take long for McKinley to get used to them, which leads her to feeling at ease and enjoying the little pleasures of having Brittany as her girlfriend, like being able to kiss her, to hug her and hold her hand and take her out on dates, seeing her smile first thing in the morning and spending the night together. She discovers she enjoys holding Brittany and she likes to admit it to both herself and to Britt that she loves holding her even more. Santana ends up discovering there are so many little things she had never allowed herself to enjoy that she does now that, when she does enjoy them, they fill her with so much warmth she thinks her heart is twice, maybe three times its normal size, all filled with love. It's so much love and happiness that she actually forgot to call Berry one of her many nicknames and called her Rachel once or twice and Berry the rest of the time. Yes. She was really fucking shocked when Quinn told her - after she teased her for paying attention to the way she called Rachel. So she went back to calling the Hobbit just that until Brittany frowned at her and told her to go back to being nice to Rachel. Santana did, even though she faked being grumpy for a while until she was rewarded with sexy time. But really, how could someone resist Brittany's pout?

  But not everything can stay perfect, right? She should have known, after all. She’s Santana Lopez and everything that has ever happened to her has been anything but perfect. Of course, she’s got Brittany and she is perfect, but their past isn’t and she has never believed their future would be - in fact, she actually shivers at the thought of Brittany realizing Santana's not the awesome person she thinks she is and leaving her. She was just stuck in a delusional haze of happiness that made everything around her Brittany-colored and made her heart pound to the rhythm of hers. Too bad delusional people never really stay that way. For her, all it took was Brittany growing silent and shifting uneasily while they cuddled in bed with Santana happily listening to Britt’s heartbeat for her daze to be broken. “What’s wrong, Britt?” She asked, lifting her head from her chest to see she was frowning, which made her frown and it turned into one frowning contest. “Did something happen at school? Do I need to kick somebody’s ass?” She took a deep breath before she went on and on and ended up distracted and worked up in the way tht Britt disliked. It didn’t mean she wasn't freaking out, though, especially with the way Brittany's eyes were roaming all over her face and she was holding onto her shirt, her nervous signs. And when she just kept on looking, Santana felt her spine tingle. This was not good.

  “I don’t think I like what you’re doing, San.” She had to fight herself so she didn't outright panic and swallow thickly before trying to figure out what Brittany meant. Didn't she like her hugs? Her kisses? Holding her hand while in school? “I don’t like that you’re always provoking Artie. I mean, I know he’s part robot and he did some mean things to us but he’s not entirely robot, you know?” And then she felt like laughing when Brittany finished. In fact, she actually did it, but tried masking it as a sigh of release, even though Brittany knew she was laughing and started pouting. To stop her, Santana touched her lips to hers and smile brightly.

  “Is that what made you so upset, baby?” When she nods, Santana lies her head back down to her chest and smiles softly, relieved. “I was so worried it would be something terrible. If that’s what you don’t like and if you want me to stop, I will. I'm already laying kinda low on him, but just tell what you want me to stop doing and I will.” She almost added the ‘because I’d do anything for you’-line but she’s sure she’s already shown how really fucking whipped she is and that Quinn would be laughing her ass off right now if she could see this conversation, so she doesn't. Besides, she's sure Brittany has already realized she's got Santana wrapped around her finger, if not ever since they were little, ever since that thing with Rachel and nicknames. That's not the point, though.

  “You keep looking at him and calling more attention to us, like when you were walking down the hall today and he was walking the other way and you were holding my hands and my books and you swung our hands like when we go to the park. He was really sad after that and I remembered he isn’t a complete robot yet and it made me feel kinda bad for him.” Santana smiles at Brittany. She's just so her that she can't help but raiise her head just enough for her to kiss her lips chastely, just a peck but something she treasures dearly because now she can do it. Then she looks into her blue eyes.

  “I’ll do it. I’ll even make up for making you feel bad for him right now.” With that, she kisses Brittany and everything else but them was forgotten.

  The next day, when she sees Artie coming, she’s glad she’s already hugging Brittany so it’s one thing less to worry about. What she does, instead, is enter the conversation her girlfriend if havin with Quinn about something she doesn’t really know or care about - it's a Glee assignment you already have done anyway and t's a surprise to Brittany so you are careful around the topic - until he is gone. Afterwards, she receives the most beautiful smile because Brittany noticed, just like she always does. It doesn’t even matter Quinn’s coughing something like 'whipped - even though you made sure to tell her, in private, how much she was whipped - because Brittany's smile is just that awesome.

feeling like: hesitant
listening to: sunshine - matisyahu
wkgreenwkgreen on October 29th, 2012 11:58 pm (UTC)
Hehe... as long as you know it Santana!

Thanks for sharing!
B: pic#118894357thatsapen on October 30th, 2012 05:54 pm (UTC)
you're welcome! :D
(Deleted comment)
Bthatsapen on November 26th, 2012 12:51 am (UTC)
Thanks! Writing the characters is the most difficult thing to do, for me, so hearing I wrote them well just made my day! It's awesome!